You can take the girl out of Soho...

... but you can't take Soho out of the girl!

There is no way of explaining how much I frikkin love my job. I'm back at LAB again, at least for a while and dear lord it feels good! Payday Friday after Christmas and I hadn't carried a tray for over two months. My muscles are still aching (you want toned arms? start carrying a tray full of cocktails over your head for eight hours straight - that'll do it, believe me!) and my feet are sore but the worst pain is in my stomach for laughing my bum-bum off all night. I've missed my boys and girls.

The LAB team giving Gill a send-off last summer

Quote of the night (add scottish accent for full effect):
"I watch a lot of strap-on porn"

Happy weekend everyone!

Last night was spent roamin around London's East End trying to forget the fact that I am getting nowhere with my scholarship application (and throwing up outside the Hoxton Hotel at around midnight if I am not mistaken). Not exactly the best way to deal with the problem, but at least the drinks were nice.

The subs at The Independent clearly had a few last night as well - The dead socialite was surely not 72, but 27 and people and things from my home land are Swedish not Sweidsh. Jeeez...

On the subject of Peaches

Here we go: someone who's not got the body or likeability of northern saint Cheryl soddin Cole gets her kit off and the slagging match begins!

Give Peaches some credit.Indeed, she is not exactly something out of the skinny Bible, nor has she the best reputation (keep in mind this is the daughter of Paula Yates, people!). But - it's actually not that bad. And at least she's doing something other than falling out of nightclubs with powdered nostrils.

Surprisingly, as with all events like this one - it's the girls who are the quickest to throw stones at her. We are all such jealous bitches arent we?

look, look, look you can almost see a teeny tiny hint of something on her belly. yeey, go normal girl!

Oh come on, seriously!?

Yes. I know. I suck. But there was moving, and then not moving and being a drama queen and Sweden and Christmas and Cambodia and Manchester and moving for real and starting uni and... well a thousand other reasons really. But yes, I am aware of the fact that I have not exactly been nurturing my writing skills for quite some time now. Bad, bad, bad.
But hey, what can ya do, you all have to accept things. For example; I accept that I can no longer fit perfectly into a size 10 and that I will not get to 80 wpm in shorthand without practicing. I also accept that I will never marry neither Danny Jones nor Johnny Depp, however reluctantly I do do that.
So I guess all I can say is... sorry?

Time to start saving for my pension perhaps?

I have turned into a 35-year old. I don't know how it happened or when, but last night I saw proof of it.

It all began with a phone call. 10 pm on a Wednesday night and it was fancy dress night down at the student pub. They asked me where I was and I repied something along the lines of "Well, it's late and I'm tired and Im already in bed, and I've got this movie and..."
- as if that was not enough:
The neighbours were having a house party, that was quite clear. And not only were they having a house party - they were playing bad loud music (think terrible 3rd class reggaeton) at 12 am! So I called security on them
- I have turned into a 35-year old.

There is a special place in hell...

My deep loathing for Daily Mail's columnists shall clearly never falter as they have given me another gem today in the form of Bel Mooney.
Ms Mooney claims that the 60's sexual revolution is to blame for, if not all, but most that is wrong with society today. It is "wrecking women's lives today". Here are some of the best of the best of her rantings:

"People have always had sex before marriage" Oh horrible thought...

"Ladette behaviour is a direct result of the freedom women fought for"
SAY WHAT?! Since when is there a connection between drunken women behaving badly (let's take that part of ladetteness for example) a result of feminism?

"The university Student Health Centre handed out the Pill like sweeties. So you wouldn't get pregnant - good. But at the same time you had no reason to be careful - bad."
I have said it before and I say it again - you live in a country where 13-year olds have babies! Why on earth would you preach against the Pill, this country needs more Pills not less!

“Sex, which in previous eras was private (even taboo), became public, with the result that women were expected - in their love lives - to demonstrate the expertise of prostitutes. Except these 'liberated' women gave it away for free. “
Who expects this Ms Mooney? Your partner? THEN LEAVE HIM. Mine sure doesn’t and I don’t know any man who does. And secondly, so talking about sex, making it no longer taboo, has turned us all into prossies in the eyes of men? So it was better when sex was something bad, hush hush and first and foremost no fun ? If you want to regard sex as private you might as well regard eating equally taboo - they are both part of human life and our needs.

“Is it any wonder that the phenomenon of young teenage boys expecting their girlfriends to provide sexual gratification at any time (on a school bus, for example, according to Susie Orbach) leaves girls feeling abused and full of hate for their bodies"
Now we’re really, really not on the same page anymore, so what you are saying, Ms Mooney is that young girls disliking their bodies is a modern day phenomenon unheard of before the 60’s? And that the female sexual revolution is to blame? She is getting lost in her own arguments blubbering things that has nothing to do with women freeing themselves in the 60’s.


Read this sad excuse for journalism here

You can call me Miss Puffy Face

Women with acute PMS should not watch Atonement, it's like giving a suicidal teenager a pair of razor blades/a fat kid the keys to the Cadbury factory/Lindsay Lohan cocaine