A sad story of Holocaust treachery

This is little bit off from what normally goes on Scandilous, i know, but sometimes you just have to.
During some research about the torture and murders of journalists during the Holocaust (sadly purely for my own geeky benefit) I came across an article from the David S Wyman Institute for Holocaust Studies.
In this it is revealed (sadly there is no publishing date so I do not know how recent this information is) that American journalism schools and newspapers refused to help Jewish journalists fleeing the terror of the Holocaust. A lot of other universities and university departments aided Jewish refugees but when it came to journalists there were arguments singing the same old Nazi song. 'The Jews will become a threat if we let them come here, they will take over all of our jobs bla, bla, blaha. '.
Not a single one of the circa 40 journalism schools and uni departments in the US took in a Jew. None of the major newspapers hired journalists on the run.

Madeleine Albright, former US Secretary of State, once said that "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.". I think that goes for journalists as well.

Surprise! The White House under Bush was full of delusional orthodox christians!

Oh no he didn't!

A book by George W Bush's former speechwriter reveals that officials in the White House did not want J.K. Rowling to recieve the prestigious Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Why?

The Harry Potter books "encouraged witchcraft".

Then what about the fact that she got almost an entire generation of kids to start reading books? That she has done something that no one has ever done before? Oh no, don't give me all that Mark Twain, Enid Blyton crapola - No one has ever before reached out to boys AND girls in such a wide age span. What about the fact that she has created a whole world that millions of kids (and adults) dream about every day?

Not important? Oh well, I can understand. Clearly all her fans run around brandishing twigs shouting "Accio!" Clearly.

My opinions about this matter obviously has nothing to to with the fact that I have a Harry P bedding set and am borderline fanatical. Nothing at all...

Yes, there is a reason...

... why I look like this. The news that with a NatWest Student Bank Account comes a free five year 16-25 railcard has spread like wildfire amongst students on Medway campus. Since I travel to London at least once a week, a free railcard would suit me perfectly.

Ergo:

After the last seminar of the day I travelled on the bumpy 101 towards the high-street and NatWest. Everything worked perfectly with the nice bank boy until my passport was dropped on the table.

No sorry, You must've been in the country for at least three years or it costs you 6.95 £ a month. It's the government's policy.

Are you frikkin kidding me?! I have paid tax in this country for about a year now (actually unlike a lot of first year students at my uni) paying for this country and your government to work - GORDON BROWN GIVE ME MY RAILCARD!

I can get away with it because I'm foreign...

... but national news? Hmmm...

- A 14 yearold has very tragically died from a cervical cancer jab. Daily Mail reports:
"Natalie's mother Elaine, who lives with the teenager's elder sister Abigail, 17, in Coventry was too distraught to comment. Natalie's father Joe has remarried [...]"
Is it just me, or does it sound like Natalies father, whilst her mother was at home devastated, decided to go out and get remarried after his daughter died? Ttt...

Now I can insult people and they won't understand me.

Shorthand is like a secret language for adults.

Above reads:

"Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce. "

- Karl Marx

Brilliant ideas regarding famous pervs

I just had an idea. Why don't we let Roman Polanski serve time in Poland? Snip, snip, and all the underaged models in the world would be safe forever...

Then I had another one. Why don't we fake a minor "sexual predator" charge against Silvio Berlusconi - in Poland? He would probably do a much better job if he stopped running in whatever direction his Little Silvio was pointing. No one could possibly disagree with that. At least not his ex wife.

Germans are the sexgods of the world! (er no, not really...)

Anyone who read the Femail part of the Daily Mail today cannot possibly have missed the Best vs. Worst Lovers In The World poll.

The men of Germany were crowned the worst, but who's surprised? Just imagine - "Jaaaa, Ich komme gern!" Any woman would loose her erection...
Just as I was giggling about this a bomb was dropped on my scandinavian heart. Swedish men are third worst sexbeasts in the world. According to the poll, my fellow countrymen are too quick. I hope that this will not affect how the world sees Swedish women because that would be devastating for Swedish tourism.
The funny upside?
English men are second worst...

And when it comes to the top ones: Spain? Brazil? ITALY? (does the image of Silvio Berlusconi pop in to anyone elses head? Just ewww...) The biggest laughing matter is France at number four. "Voulez-vous ma baguette?" - I don't think so. I'd rather stick with my english ones (preferably Danny Jones) if that's ok.

Congratulations though, to my dear friend Adam. South Africans are appearently the 6th best lovers in the world. Or more appropriately: congrats to my Josie, his girlfriend...

Scandilous here...

... your one and only source to the scandalous lives of Kent Uni's Elite.
(because a little bit of gossip never hurt no one. Except Kerry Katona)

One of my newfound friends is a young man we shall call B. Fortunately I was let in on one of B's adventures from last week and to portrait true freshers life at Liberty Quays his story is now going on Scandilous Life. It kind of fits...
B is out and about - Coopers(the student pub) style. B sees girl. Girl sees B. B and girl feel instant attraction probably intensed by the "2poundapint" service. Girl takes B home. She sits him down and drops the bomb. She's got a boyfriend and she's not a cheater. B is puzzled for a minute, damns his luck until she says something along the lines of 'Hold on, I am just going to make a phone call'. Girl breaks up with boyfriend over phone. Girl and B engage in sexual intercourse 'til early morning.
And the unofficial Liberty Quays stud-awards goes to...

Welcome to University life

You know you love me,
xoxo Scandilous

Know a peadophile? Send him to Poland!

The Polish House of Commons has passed a law that will be the downfall of anyone who is caught fiddling with themselves around kids. The law, that was passed with almost full majority - woho!, states that anyone who is convicted of peadophilia, apart from serving a sentence, has to be nutured. Personally I find it, pardon my french, fucking brilliant. Finally someone has got some sense. I heard someone comparing it to the death penalty for murder and that it therefore was wrong and inhumane (of course this was a man feeling the pain of someone else getting their bits chopped off). Im sorry, but NO. Living without sex and being murdered for commiting murder is not the same thing.


My view has always been that if you cant use it right you deserve to have it sawed off with a blunt ice skate. Same goes for rapists btw.

Peace out munchkins...

Sources: Polskie Radio, through Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet

Good morning little bunnies

You know when you wake up in the morning with your phone droolglued to your cheek, your underwear dangling off the deskchair, a half-empty plate of pasta and ketchup on your nightstand, mascara rubbed in your face, black feet from taking off your high heels on the way home and a growing sensation that you and your stomach wont agree today?

Really? No? Ok then...

England - the country where your teenage sister and grannie gives birth at the same time!

I had a very interesting conversation during our Freshers Dinner last night, one of many I have to say, with the wife of one of my lecturers. I believe it started with a comment from my part (there was free wine, details are obviously either a bit fuzzy around the edges or simply gone) about all these pregnant young girls in Britain. We might have been talking about Chatham which sounds rather believable to be fair. But anyway...

She told me that the average age in the UK to give birth to your first child is 29. I was a bit surprised. As an ignorant foreigner I have always seen England as the country where teen girls have babies and that is a very common understanding, at least in Sweden. What about all these 17 yearolds pushing baby buggies at the local ASDA? Are they just a figure of my imagination?
After a bit of research I discovered that women giving birth to their first child in the UK are the second oldest in the world, only triumphed by the Kiwi girls. Even the Swedes are behind barely at 28. The UK are 12th in the world in teenage births, however the only western countries beating them are the US and, very oddly, New Zealand.

This got me thinking. How is it possible to have pretty much both the oldest women and the youngest women giving birth to their first child in the western world? Does that mean that there are also grandmas all over England giving birth to their first child? Because I don't know how the maths would work out otherwise.

Stats taken from Nationmaster.com

Drink more Guinness, it might save your life

Good news for all the freshers at Kent Uni!

This Monday Cedars Sinai hospital (you know the one that Britney went to when she lost the plot and shaved her upstairs rather than her downstairs) published a study where they claim that a victims of dramatic accidents, for example a car crashes, who then suffers from traumatic brain injuries are more likely to survive if they have been drinking at the time when they got injured.

It's friday night people, Let's Party Ard.

LIBERTY QUAYS DOES NOT EXIST! At least not on the map...

Since trying to order books from amazon.co.uk and also trying to purchase my 16-25 railcard I have discovered that the postcode to Liberty Quays does not exist in their system. This means that when I, for example, try to get a railcard or get books for my coursework it will not come through as the system does not recognise ME7 1FL as a valid postcode. Indeed it works on googlemaps and from what I have heard people have been getting mail - BUT STILL.
Just to try to make our lives down at Liberty Q even more complicated (as I have already mentioned in previous posts the public transport connection is appalling!). Did it not spring to mind to anyone to perhaps sort this out before 600 students moved in? Is there a reason why the postcode is not getting recognised in these commercial systems?

The little journo inside me will not rest until I get to the bottom with this. I rarely do which is why they already know me by name down at reception...

Looks like I'm not the typical journo

During my research for my first essay, which I am proud to say I have just finished, I found a pretty little book on GoogleBooks called How to succeed in Newspaper Journalism by David Stevenson (GoogleBooks link). He points out, referring to a poll made by the London College of Communication (at that time The London College of Printing), that the typical journalist is a 38 year old white middle-class male who votes Labour. Well, at least I fit in to one of those - at the moment I am so pale that a painkiller on my thigh would look like a mole.
Half of us wants to get rid of the royals ( Why, why, WHY, when Harry is so pretty?!) and we don't really make a lot of money. No surprises there. We are also clearly a very sensible bunch as 96 % of us are in favour of condom vending machines.

The best part?
According to the poll, 75% of British journalists wants to legalize prostitution.

When it comes to Gaga more is more!

Whoever told Lady Gaga she needs to tone it down ought to have a fake hair bow shoved down their throat!

According to various news and gossip sources her management has told her to work on mainstreaming herself a bit since her latest single Paparazzi only reached number 18 on the US Billboard Chart (she has previously had two number ones and one fifth place).
Gaga, they don't have a clue and you know it. For once there is a female artist who does not give a flying about conventions and 'must not's and who actually makes it really big (on this side of the milennium I mean). She is and inspiration to all of the others out there who dares to be different or maybe wants to dare.

Quotes Lady Gaga:
"I'm inspired by fashion. I'm inspired by the moonlight. I'm inspired by sex and pornography and slasher films."

"Question : What do you look for in a man?

Gaga: A big dick."

and my personal favourite which I carry with me always:

"Writing a record is like dating a few men at once. You take them to the same restaurants to see if they measure up, and at some point you decide who you like best. When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time."

Dear Home Secretary Alan Johnson...

... "delighted" would not be my choice of word to describe the clearing of the Calais refugee camp where 278 people, of which 132 were children, were driven out of their shacks and tents by 500-600 police officers.
Yes it has been creating problems, increasing numbers of war victims, both adults and children who needs medical care to name one, but when it comes to the treatment of these human beings, people whom have already been through enough terrible ordeals, to be "delighted" is simply wrong. Mr Johnson, you have clearly not seen the pictures from the scene.
And if I am not mistaken you guys started the war that got these people there in the first place...

Uni at last!

The lack of updates is all due to lack of internet. After a lot of hustling and bustling and frustrating phonecalls to the internet support where I have been treated like a complete imbecile it is finally installed and ready. My first official day at my new university went down pretty smoothly and I am finding my way around campus.

Question: Why on earth would anyone place blocks of student halls by a heavily trafficked road with only one bus towards the town centre which takes almost one hour because the route goes around half the county? I am paying 400 pounds a month and I am not even close to getting the benfits that I had in London (where I, by the way, was paying 100 pounds less). Sure I live above a Tesco Express, but it is tiny and insanely expensive, I have my own bathroom but the shower is minute and like stated before there is only one bus and to use the immortal words of comedian Magnus Betnér: it sucks! We will see. Considering how awesome my school seems to be it is probably worth it...

As pictured above, I am dressed in full school gear ready to go to the "School Disco".
Peace, Love and Jägermeister for all.
Sara Malm, (finally officially) Student

iPig!

My "moving out present" from the best flatmates in the world Adam and Josie. I am now the proud owner of a pink iPig.

I'm gonna be the coolest kid on campus.

New favourite Simpsons quote

Alberto: "First we make love, then we decide if it was a good idea or not. That's the European way."

Leaving

Last night's leaving do in Spitalfields B@1 seemed to have been highly successful for everyone involved. My team were the first to leave and I think we tumbled out of there around five in the morning. As we got on the bus back to Clapham J, people were going to work. Messy was just the forename.

After a few hours of not even attempting to get out of bed, a pizza breakfast/lunch/dinner, Harry Potter at the IMAX and a late night kebab I have now packed all my life together. A couple of IKEA bags, two suitcases and a guitar case. My room is a bit emptier and a little bit tidier than usual. Im gonna miss my room so today, apart from being a day of recovery, has a touch of sadness to it. Im probably gonna miss my room even more when I move in to the cupboard sized room down in Kent.

Do you want to date a bartender?

I used to be a bartender not too long ago. After that I worked as a cocktail waitress whilst training to be an even better bar girl. That however did not happen when university all of a sudden showed up at the horizon and I am still running around with trays full of cocktails five days a week witnessing what goes on behind and in front of the bar.

The bartending business is stressful, hard, and just as crazy as it seems. I have loved almost every minute of it and even the toughest moments have their very own charm. One of the benefits of working behind and around the stick is those nights when you’ve got your arms covered in phone numbers and your pockets contain napkins with questionable suggestions of after work activities.

I mean, just imagine: you are a guy sitting in a bar (50 percent of the worlds population does not have to imagine, but you know where I am getting at). You’ve got your beer goggles on and that girl behind the bar shaking whatever she is shaking is doing a pretty good job. She is getting more and more attractive by the drink and as the night is starting to come to an end you swagger over there, confident as I ever. You are taking her home tonight, I mean who would say no to you, right?

But I advice you to hold on for just a minute soldier - do you have even the slightest idea of what you’re getting yourself in to?

Wine us, dine us, now that’s all fine, but if you want to belong to a girl in the hospitality industry there are some things that you have to take into account.

The following points are, if not crucial, of highest importance if you ever wish to date a bartender (or even a cocktailmad waitress like me):

1. You have to enjoy being woken up at two o’clock in the morning by a sweaty creature in an adrenaline rush that wants to tell you absolutely everything that has happened at work for the past ten hours.

2. Find it charming that no matter where you take her out for a drink she will have something to say and/or find something to complain about when it comes to service/the menu/range of spirits on the back bar etc.

3. Like the fact that your entire week is going to be planned around her two days off per week. Most likely neither of these will be on the weekend. If you are lucky one of them is a Thursday.

4. Have no sense of smell alternatively have a weird foot fetish and like them smelly. Our feet are enclosed in the same boots all day and it usually takes less than ten minutes before they are soaking wet. My garbage room smells nicer than our feet after a long shift.

5. All of our colleagues plus almost our entire friendship circle will look at you like you are an imbecile if you don’t know the difference between blanco, reposado and anjeo tequila or what cachaca is distilled from.

Still want to take the girl with the shaker home? Didn’t think so.

VMA thoughts - Open letter to Kanye

Seriously Kanye? Really? I used to like you...
Why on earth would you use your power as a successful musician and producer to bully a 19-year old girl? Beyonce is a grown up who has had numerous prices and tons of praise throughout her long career. I don't think she was so desperate for that prize that you had to go up on stage and defend her missing out and I don't think you thought that either. You just had to make a statement.

Statements are important even when they don't lead anywhere, which you Kanye West have obviously already understood. The power of the action in itself and all that jazz. Like the feminists who ran up on stage during the 2001 Miss Sweden competition with a banner saying "GUBBSLEM", which roughly translated means slimy old male creeps, knew as well But see, there is a difference between you and them, K.
Of course nothing happened, Miss Sweden is still going strong, but it was still an important statement. Aint that what you were aiming for Mr West? Upset and distraught that such terrible wrongdoing could have taken place and you just had to do something.

Well you know what Kanye? If making that statement means hurting a kid, or anyone innocent for that matter, it is not important anymore. Therein lies the difference.
What did Taylor Swift ever do to you? What do you personally gain from taking the stage? Nothing, apart from a few extra seconds in the limelight which frankly, with your talent you don't need.

All it does is make you look pathetic, egocentric and honestly a little bit fat. The apology you issued earlier this morning is so fake it is laughing material and it could not be more clear that you are, like a king of the schoolyard, simply taking the piss.
I heard chubby, resentful and immature is the way forward and we all know how much you like to be a frontrunner. So maybe it suits you.

Taylor Swift - dry your eyes honey, because he is a sad BLTP (Ballsack longer than penis) and your tits are still fighting gravity.



Peace, Love and Jägermeister for all.
Sara

A very important message

Scandilous Life says:

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

H&M - Fashion against AIDS Collection

A delicious topic in the the middle of dinner

Tonight I learned about "musting". It all comes down to a pair of lips and a... well an arsehole. Put those two together and then suck. Suck until it gets "musty". Yes, it is just as disgusting as it sounds. However according to a college of my best friends': "It doesn't taste as much of ass as you would expect!"
Musting anyone?



It's been a long time since I laughed so much and we talked about everything and nothing until early morning.

Art of the State

I spent the day with my Mami in Stockholm yesterday. As we were walking through the Old Town, strolling from gallery to gallery, I found my new favourite artist. HGE or Hans-Göran Eriksson has his own gallery, Gallery HG in Old Town and his art is amazeballs. Even though Im not exactly an art geek, if I had 2200 £ I would buy this one:

Loved these two as well...


This is his homepage, btw

If you wanna get laid - don't shower.

According to The Independent (eternally my source of information) there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a sweaty man (read article here).

This derives from a substance created by TAMTARARAM - testosterone! Androstadienone, as it is called, hightens a mans attractiveness to a woman.

So now we know why sweaty bartenders are so sexy.

Mmmmm... Bartenders...

9/11 reflections

Today being the day that it is you cannot help but reflect upon what has happened since. I was only 11 in 2001. I turned on the TV when I came home and saw the unimaginable. I remember realising that nothing would ever be the same in the US. Quite maturely, to be honest.

Now I'm flat on my stomach reading the Independents article on young soldiers fighting in Afghanistan (read here).

They are sending out children to fight on the fields of Helmand. Age is nothing but a number and most eighteenyearolds I know aren't even fit to move out of their parents house yet. I was rather mature for 18 when I left home but for crying out loud, I moved to a country two hours away and my chances of getting blown to pieces or shot to death are a hell of a lot smaller than in a war zone.

I have grown up a lot over the past year and of course you grow up in the military too but isn't it better to do some growing up in a safer environment first before you get thrown into a war?

To me, before 21 you are still inbetween. Perhaps not a kid, but no adult. Im definitely not one and I could have been sent to battle over a year ago. Most people are not even an adult at 21 to be fair. So what is the rush?

And the US - seriously?

"You're not allowed to buy a beer but here's a loaded rifle son!"

Sigh. Full Stop.

Neither adult nor teenager.

I collect teenage points, adult points and semi-adult points.
A semi-adult point is for example when you think “Hmm, I better go to the loo loo now while I’m at work, that means saving toilet paper at home ergo more money for booze!”

Of course I never thought that.

A Very semi-adult me. Probably circa five years ago. Its one of few pictures of myself in later life that prooves my original haircolour.

Where is my London weather

You know when you've bought a really big woolly knitted jumper and on the way home you imagine late nights cuddled up in the sofa with a big cup of tea and your favourite reading (Harry Potter, Madam Geneva or The Independent for me, please!). Candlelights, rain drizzling outside, big pillows and a blanket draped over your knees.

But no.

When I got home, the sofa was occupied, there was no green tea and the sun was still bloody shining.

Bah!

If you want them to know it - WEAR IT

Just got an email from the lovely streetshirts.co.uk. My order has dispatched! Soon two very sexy tops, designed by myself of course, will arrive in Clapham Junction. They will be waiting for me when I get back to England. They are ravishingly sexy.

Its all about making yourself known. I'll be wearing them all week for Freshers.

Sibling love

Few things in life as as satisfying as watching your younger sister make her bed perfectly neat and tidy, stretching the sheet so that you can bounce a coin on it and when she looks away...

JUMP!

Its all about paperwork and slutty swedes

At the moment I’m in my native Sweden. A vacation that includes sorting out pretty much everything concerning my move to Kent. I got a nice surprise as I arrived on Tuesday night. There was a stack of about two feet ( well almost) of bank documents, Student Finance reports, Kent information and a whole bunch of other stuff written on crisp newly folded white sheets in very small and important print waiting on my desk. I plunged
Student finance is almost sorted out and indeed I must admit to have a certain love for the Swedish government since they’re giving me money plus my Swedish bank is being nice to me again. Ive also worked my way through the Welcome Week folder where I found that the International students of Kent University are encouraged to wear their national dress to the welcome dinner. I just imagined all these kids in Austrian Heidi-style clothes, German lederhosen, Geisha silk robes, Russian furs and maybe one of two Mexicans in sombreros sipping Jose Cuervo Reserva.
What a joke - what am I supposed to wear? A tiny bikini, six inch heels, porn star pout and a blonde bedroom-hair wig accessorised with a terrible accent?

Btw, there is a species of sea cucumber who breathes and does number one and two from the same hole. Imagine the morning breath! Even I’m safe there...

Welcome to THE SCANDILOUS LIFE

Yes this would be me. Sara Malm, aged 19, Swedish girl lost in London since last september and now on my way to uni to become a journo.

I find introduction rather silly since I’ve been blogging on and off since 2006, however only in my first language. The whole idea for an English blog came when I visited my future university course’s homepage and it seemed like everyone had one. Obviously there was no way I’d find myself beaten before I even started the course so here’s the result.
I needed to come up with a name for this rampage rant-page of mine and since I’m Scandinavian and I have a tendency to do rather scandalous things (or at least say them), it was a given. So again: welcome to The Scandilous Life.


Oh well, I'll keep it short…

I moved to London and England a year ago and I’ve been working as a cocktail bartender and waitress in Chelsea and Soho since November after taking a short course in bartending. I first applied to Oxford to study English but quickly realised that it wouldn’t be right for me. So after searching UCAS very thoroughly I found the one I thought was perfect. Kent University and the Centre for Journalism. Right now that is where I stand. One foot in London and the bar world that I love with all my heart and the other halfway through a move down to Kent to start uni in exactly eleven days. We’ll see how this one goes.

Anymore for anymore?


Just finished reading about the Sudanese journalist Lubna Hussein who refuses to pay up after being convicted of indecency for wearing trousers in public. She says she’d rather go to jail on principle. Also, she comments, it’s a chance for her as a journalist to “explore the conditions in jail." That’s my girl, fuck yeah.