I research better than the researcher

I am deeply immensed in articles about gender equality/gender theories regarding South Africa as a research for my Guardian International Developement Journalism Competition piece. They're written by my brilliant cousin Johanna who is on her way to start her PhD Candidate in International Developement Relations (or something even more complicated) in Roskilde, Denmark this autumn. She's quite good at what she does.

It is needed to go through tons and tons of research for this, and my brain is working feverishly. I better save this for the journey home and take a shower and get my arse into gear. I am, after all, going shopping this afternoon. Mantra: "I don't need new shoes, I don't need new shoes, I don't need new shoes, I don't need new shoes, I don't need new shoes."

... aaaand our reporter Sara Malm reports from Stockholm

Finally climbed out from underneath the rock I have been hiding. Jeez...

Friday morning: 17 degrees in London, and I'm out in my tish and sunglasses (fake chanel, very nice), high-kicking and jumping all the way out to Stanstead Airport. The plane took off. Despite the XXL woman next to me not understanding that you sit down on airplanes, which automatically led to me having her gigantous arse in my face the whole two hours, my tummy was full of butterflies - I was on my way back to where it all started. Sweden.
And I landed... in Mordor. 6 degrees, pissing down with rain and still patches of snow on the ground. Joy.

Now; going to the chiropractor to sort out my back and, what is hopefully, the last remains of my accident a year ago when I was hit by a black cabbie.

Apart from that: Why is it impossible for me to get to ANY pre-election polls over here? It is like I am in a political vacuum! My part-Brit soul needs to know!

Chinese media: The Swedish woods hides 25000 homosexual women!

Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet reports that Chinese media are running around in the north of Sweden combing through the woods. Why?

They are looking for Chako Paul City. The city of 25000 lesbians.

According to Chinese media there is a city hidden away in the Swedish woods way up north with a population of 25 000 gay women.
This origins from the story of Chinese student Niu Xiaoyu, studying in Sweden, who in september this year had a bit of domestic trouble and fled to this city of homosexual women. This was where her boyfriend eventually found her - and told the media.
This could certainly raise tourism up north in Santa's woods, however men looking forward to seeing women running around in underwear having pillowfights and making out (because oh yes, that's what we do when boys aren't around) shouldn't bother. Apparently the city is guarded by female police "beats any man who dares to enter half to death". (How did the boyfriend get to her? He dressed up as a woman!)
The most fascinating thing about this lovely but unlikely story is that Chinese media clearly have no idea how minute Sweden actually is and how few as chosen to live in the north. A city of 25 000 would be one of the biggest cities in the northern half of Sweden and clearly impossible to hide. No matter how deep in the woods you went...

There is only one place to graduate

Scanning my computer for the picture in the last post made all the graduation memories come back. The swedish graduation parties are unbelievable - at least in Stockholm and at Rudbecks Gymnasium(yes, still funny). From the beginning of april all the way to graduation in june you party hard. There is at least three a week. I was underaged at that time so I didn't go to as many as I wanted to - but still. Nothing beats it.

From top left and downwards:
Sporty Spice at What did you want to be when you were a kid?, Black and White theme, An Oscars statuette at my own Hollywood themed grad party (which I was thrown out of for being underaged...) Cruella De Vil and toastmaster at Good vs. Bad, Masquerade theme and finally this years only grad party that I attended ROCK BASH.

Germans are the sexgods of the world! (er no, not really...)

Anyone who read the Femail part of the Daily Mail today cannot possibly have missed the Best vs. Worst Lovers In The World poll.

The men of Germany were crowned the worst, but who's surprised? Just imagine - "Jaaaa, Ich komme gern!" Any woman would loose her erection...
Just as I was giggling about this a bomb was dropped on my scandinavian heart. Swedish men are third worst sexbeasts in the world. According to the poll, my fellow countrymen are too quick. I hope that this will not affect how the world sees Swedish women because that would be devastating for Swedish tourism.
The funny upside?
English men are second worst...

And when it comes to the top ones: Spain? Brazil? ITALY? (does the image of Silvio Berlusconi pop in to anyone elses head? Just ewww...) The biggest laughing matter is France at number four. "Voulez-vous ma baguette?" - I don't think so. I'd rather stick with my english ones (preferably Danny Jones) if that's ok.

Congratulations though, to my dear friend Adam. South Africans are appearently the 6th best lovers in the world. Or more appropriately: congrats to my Josie, his girlfriend...

A delicious topic in the the middle of dinner

Tonight I learned about "musting". It all comes down to a pair of lips and a... well an arsehole. Put those two together and then suck. Suck until it gets "musty". Yes, it is just as disgusting as it sounds. However according to a college of my best friends': "It doesn't taste as much of ass as you would expect!"
Musting anyone?



It's been a long time since I laughed so much and we talked about everything and nothing until early morning.

Where is my London weather

You know when you've bought a really big woolly knitted jumper and on the way home you imagine late nights cuddled up in the sofa with a big cup of tea and your favourite reading (Harry Potter, Madam Geneva or The Independent for me, please!). Candlelights, rain drizzling outside, big pillows and a blanket draped over your knees.

But no.

When I got home, the sofa was occupied, there was no green tea and the sun was still bloody shining.

Bah!

Sibling love

Few things in life as as satisfying as watching your younger sister make her bed perfectly neat and tidy, stretching the sheet so that you can bounce a coin on it and when she looks away...

JUMP!

Its all about paperwork and slutty swedes

At the moment I’m in my native Sweden. A vacation that includes sorting out pretty much everything concerning my move to Kent. I got a nice surprise as I arrived on Tuesday night. There was a stack of about two feet ( well almost) of bank documents, Student Finance reports, Kent information and a whole bunch of other stuff written on crisp newly folded white sheets in very small and important print waiting on my desk. I plunged
Student finance is almost sorted out and indeed I must admit to have a certain love for the Swedish government since they’re giving me money plus my Swedish bank is being nice to me again. Ive also worked my way through the Welcome Week folder where I found that the International students of Kent University are encouraged to wear their national dress to the welcome dinner. I just imagined all these kids in Austrian Heidi-style clothes, German lederhosen, Geisha silk robes, Russian furs and maybe one of two Mexicans in sombreros sipping Jose Cuervo Reserva.
What a joke - what am I supposed to wear? A tiny bikini, six inch heels, porn star pout and a blonde bedroom-hair wig accessorised with a terrible accent?

Btw, there is a species of sea cucumber who breathes and does number one and two from the same hole. Imagine the morning breath! Even I’m safe there...