Scandilous is agony aunting

I am, by the way, so ill it's not even funny but there is no way I am staying home from school one more day. I missed one day and I felt totally handicapped today. Grumpy moan.
Everyone else is at the student pub guzzling snakebites(vile, vile invention) and I'm getting drunk from pouring Benylin down my throat. It's actually 6% so with my speed I shall be in a state of euphoria within thirty minutes.

I think I've actually cracked a rib from coughing.