Its all about paperwork and slutty swedes

At the moment I’m in my native Sweden. A vacation that includes sorting out pretty much everything concerning my move to Kent. I got a nice surprise as I arrived on Tuesday night. There was a stack of about two feet ( well almost) of bank documents, Student Finance reports, Kent information and a whole bunch of other stuff written on crisp newly folded white sheets in very small and important print waiting on my desk. I plunged
Student finance is almost sorted out and indeed I must admit to have a certain love for the Swedish government since they’re giving me money plus my Swedish bank is being nice to me again. Ive also worked my way through the Welcome Week folder where I found that the International students of Kent University are encouraged to wear their national dress to the welcome dinner. I just imagined all these kids in Austrian Heidi-style clothes, German lederhosen, Geisha silk robes, Russian furs and maybe one of two Mexicans in sombreros sipping Jose Cuervo Reserva.
What a joke - what am I supposed to wear? A tiny bikini, six inch heels, porn star pout and a blonde bedroom-hair wig accessorised with a terrible accent?

Btw, there is a species of sea cucumber who breathes and does number one and two from the same hole. Imagine the morning breath! Even I’m safe there...